April 30th, 2026

Will there ever be a time where I don’t feel like my body is punishing me? No matter the habits I try to change, there always seems to be something reacting poorly to the choices I’ve made from the day or hours prior. There always seems to be a negative consequence to my actions in trying to care for it. I eat healthy, I feed it with vegetables, protein, extra vitamins and fiber, yet my body screams for more calories and energy. I give into my cravings, then hours later I feel sluggish or my headaches worsen. I try to drink more water, but my belly full of liquid prevents me from eating a full meal, leaving me weaker and eyeing snacks and sweets all day.

It seems no matter the habits, my body seems to find some way to remind me that there’s something else that needs to change. Now that I’ve replaced some of my unhealthy habits with more sustainable ones it’s become more obvious when my body does not like something. My stomach gets unsettled, my head throbs just behind my right eye, my hands are unsteady and my energy plummets. When I have a streak of healthy days where I consume my calories mindfully, I exercise, I drink my water, my body reacts positively. However I still have unresolved issues that become more obvious now that the temporary pain has diminished. My stomach bloats, cramps start, my muscles are sore from the strain they endured the day before, my hair seems dull, my eczema flares. All of these little problems that are easy to ignore during a migraine come back to haunt me. It seems everything that I do frustrates my internal systems and I can’t seem to get it under control.

I decided to change my birth control to aid in this. I haven’t seen my body not under the influence of progesterone in 7 years. Seven years ago, when I was 19, yes I was severely depressed and undereating, yet I had the most energy, the clearest skin, hair the fullest, period most regular. Does that have to mostly do with me being 19 or does that have more to do with the fact I now pump my body full of hormones to manipulate my systems into not allowing me to conceive a child? Now that I am 27, I am noticing that my bad habits will and have shown bad effects within my life, so I want to try to eliminate the ones in my control if I can. No, I am not looking to be a mother any time soon, but I was wishing for the opportunity to see my body react on its own accord as it once did. I chose to switch from the implant to the copper IUD to allow my body to flush out the hormones it’s carried for over half a decade as a way to reset. Once my body adjusts I hope and expect my body to react positively. I want to stop carrying the extra fat and puffiness in my face, I want to not constantly want to eat and crave sweets, I want to start to once again have a “normal” period – although those have never been typical for me. I at least want to see what my body can do in its most natural state to try and gain some of my spritely attitude back again, if it’s possible.

I’m nervous for the switch, as most women relay horrific experiences with its insertion. However, once the short burst of horror subsides, women seem to love the long-lasting effects. They go back to their typical weight and mental chemical balances. They gain more energy and less mental fog. I would love to have some of my youth back. It’s like I was able to run free in my twenties in a 30 year old body. I’m hoping I can change the narrative and have a 20 year old body nearing my 30’s and feel like myself again. Truly, isn’t that what we all want?

update: July 10th, 2026

Reading this back before posting made me realize how frustrated I was with myself. It seems that the external validation I was seeking from my body wasn’t matching the expected outcome. After a few months, I’ve noticed some positive changes. Nothing that would be noticeable to outwardly, but I will admit my body feels less tormented recently.

The physical changes I was expecting still aren’t tangible or as drastic as I was hoping, at least not yet. However I would recommend to anyone that is struggling with anyone mental or physical to limit the amount of external medication and/or supplements they can safely. Allowing my body to go through a hard reset has been allowing me to isolate the issues that I need to focus on in order to feel better and improve.

Lately, I’ve been making an effort in the gym, cutting back my calories, drinking more water, and quitting vaping. Yes, despite my stubborn attachment to the horrible habit I ran into a wall that made me realize that it was time. It was almost as if I saw myself 40 years older and heard my older self tell me that these decisions to take more loving care of my body now is imperative to how my life looks in the future. I’ve realized that my goals revolve around relying on my body to take me to new heights, new places, carry me forward. So, in order to ensure I will have the power and energy to support my path into the future, I think it’s best to support my physical self the best way I can.

I do completely relate to those that are holding onto their old habits, previous pacifiers, familiar patterns. One of my personal biggest fears is the unknown. Allowing myself a vice to cling to while exploring new opportunities seemed appropriate. Like a child holding their teddy bear’s hand through a dark hallway, I have drug my vices everywhere I’ve gone within the past 10 years. I think a decade is long overdue to let go of some of my old ways in order to make room for the new.