September 23rd, 2026
It’s the second full day of Autumn, and luckily the weather is matching the energy. I’ve already noticed some trees dropping yellowed leaves, a coolness to the breeze, and the sun sinking below the horizon sooner than the month before. I feel the curated collection I’ve built will reflect the coziness and excitement of the season to come, and I’m eager to dive in and get my things in order.
I have to admit I’ve been struggling some recently. There’s been many hesitancies and self doubts circling my head. I’d like to blame the low energy I’ve had on some personal, physical struggles I’ve been dealing with – like a cold, pinched nerve, busy schedules… but these thoughts tend to wash over me in the quietest hours of the day.
Yesterday, I decided to stay home from my day job to try and recover from a debilitating cough I’ve had for the past week. During the hours of midday, despite my efforts to burp the house with the fresh autumn winds blowing through the rain, and despite my efforts to pick up my space, cleansing of any stale energies, I still found myself sinking into a spiral of negativity. It seems to find me most when I’m left alone. I tend to try and drown out these thoughts through endless scrolling, true crime documentaries, chores, or even focusing on work. Yesterday, though, when I had time to lay on the couch without many distractions, my negative self talk came rushing in, full throttle. There’s been change that has been whispered on the wind – signs from the universe that my norm will shift. I’d like to think these changes will be for the better, but my crippling fear of change and the unknown like to tear down any silver lining I try and construct for myself.
I decided to try and regurgitate these thoughts here, that way they can live somewhere outside my mind. I want to try and believe that better things are coming my way – adjustments to my daily habits and tendencies that will serve my higher good. Like building this website, curating my shows, finding gems on online thrift markets or at local brick-and-mortars. I’m trying my best to utilize my passions for things I once thought could only be hobbies, and instead try and shift them into something I could not only do everyday, but try and support myself financially as well. I think finding WhatNot was a great first step, and I’m frustrated I’m currently stuck at a stand still.
With the uncertainty of my day job (there’s been administrative changes that has jeopardized some of my office’s operations) there’s the potential of me not being able to rely on that stability for much longer. I want to establish a foundation, a routine, some sore of movement towards this new kind of career before I feel it’s too late. Deadlines and changes are happening without me making any movement towards this, and it scares me.
Luckily, with the support of my loving boyfriend helping me set up my space for live shows, I think after this week I’ll be able to materialize most of my vision to be able to officially set a date for my show. I’ve finished seeking all the items I want to sell for this edit, which in my head I’ve deemed “Slow, Chilled Mornings”. As I’ve mentioned in a previous entry, it’s filled with cozy, comfortable pieces meant to be worn with little thought. Those clothing items that sit in a closet titled “Ol’ Reliable”… things that can be counted on to bring warmth, comfort, and easy wear. Things that are meant to be worn to death, things that don’t require fidgeting or fussing over. These items are meant to be worn during a day full of running errands, being out in the rain or snow, then being thrown down on a chair after a long day to be worn again soon.
I’ve even hand-dyed a few pieces that I’ve collected to better match my own personal color palette. Not to judge any that love pastel, bright colors, but I personally tend to lean towards more earthy, neutral tones (hence the color scheme of my website). I successfully materialized one tiny piece of the vision I’ve had in my mind for the past couple months, and I’m proud to admit I do see things coming together.
I’m going to keep trying to fight the habit of spiraling down a rabbit hole of self doubt, although I’ve never seem to pull myself away completely. I feel better having written this here, an external promise to myself that I’ll finally see one creative project through – no matter the success. Of course I’m worried I’ll never get traction online in the sea of gorgeous, aesthetically pleasing posts that capture the fleeting attention of audiences. Of course, I’m worried that I won’t make any money through these live shows, or no one will see my site. However, I’m learning to enjoy the process of building these for an audience, even if that audience is just one person – or my own personal family and friends at first.
That being said, there will be more tangible news within the next couple weeks. I plan to get things together in the next in that time, but we’ll see what the universe decides to throw at me next. You’ll be hearing from me soon.
Leave a Reply